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Top Three Reasons People Don’t Show Emotions at Work

Top Three Reasons People Don’t Show Emotions at Work

When you think about expressing emotions, what comes to mind? Maybe it’s celebrating the new year, showing love to your partner, or having a verbal fight with a close friend. Now, let’s think about expressing emotions at work – what do you envision? 

If you drew a point-blank, you’re not alone. Showing emotions in the workplace has become an increasingly important topic. In the past century, we experienced the Industrial Revolution, where assembly line workers in factories simulated robotic work. If somebody showed emotions in this environment, they saw it as preventing the team’s overall productivity and efficiency

In the modern world, jobs have now evolved; emotional intelligence is one of the top ten skills required for the future workforce. In fact, learning to deal with emotions is the key to effectively leading people. Now that people understand that emotions matter, society has to work together to bring humanity back into the workplace and make people comfortable bringing their emotions to work.  

While it may seem simple, there are a few common barriers to showing emotions at work. Let’s take a look at the top three reasons why.

1. Fear of Failure


When envisioning a leader, do you picture a “perfect” individual who is fearless and never makes mistakes? If yes, it’s time to adopt a new vision. The truth is, nobody is perfect. We cannot expect perfection from leaders, and leaders need to welcome failure as a learning opportunity. Both team members and leaders need to accept that mistakes are bound to happen. The number of errors made should not define failure, but the lesson learned from each mistake. It is easy to commit a mistake and brush it under the rug for no one to see. From a leaders’ perspective, covering their mistakes may seem like the right thing to do. They may think, “If I make a mistake, then am I even worthy of my position? Let’s pretend that did not happen”. Following this mindset will result in an unhealthy mentality and feeling the pressure to be perfect.

So how should a leader approach their failures? Our answer is to acknowledge and reflect; this shows self-awareness and a willingness to improve. When the leader demonstrates that mistakes are bound to happen, the mentality will trickle down to the team. Bouncing back and learning from mistakes will develop resilience. By overcoming a fear of failure, teams will emerge resilient and self-aware. Moreover, leaders will be cultivating a culture of learning and not being afraid to fail, sparking innovation within the team.  

2. Vulnerability as a Weakness


Embedded in the false image of a “perfect” leader lies a robust and fearless persona. We picture our superiors always to know what to do. Take the example of a military leader – if they say, “I’m scared to cross the fence!” how will that impact the team performance? Similarly, if your company’s CEO states they are uncertain about meeting the revenue goals for this year, how will the team react?

In The Future of Work Depends on Emotional Intelligence, we mentioned letting go of the corporate persona. The corporate persona is a personality displayed at work. With the changing workplace, we are now getting a glimpse of team members’ personal lives, especially in virtual meetings. Now more than ever, leaders need to ease off their corporate personas and unveil their true selves. Especially in these times of uncertainty, it is normal to feel uneasy and unsure. We need to regulate the message showing vulnerability is not a weakness but rather a demonstration of courage

Let’s return to the example of the CEO stating their uncertainty about achieving revenue goals. While it may be tough to admit that the company may not be heading the direction they wish, displaying this vulnerability creates trust within the team. Vulnerability is one of our greatest measures of courage. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It is the willingness to show up and to be seen, even when there are no guarantees. In essence, its leadership. Leaders need to be transparent with their team to build confidence and stimulate problem-solving and decision making. For example, when a leader says they are uncertain about the company meeting its financial goals and asks for help from the team, it provides the team with the perfect opportunity to think critically and brainstorm solutions to solve the problem while simultaneously supporting the leader.

3. Is it Only Me?

The last common reason why leaders refrain from showing emotions links to authenticity and comparison. If no one else is showing emotions, what will happen when the leader does? Will team members believe them, or worst, will it negatively affect and demotivate the team? It may be common to think, “If only I am feeling this way, are my emotions even valid?” 

You will never know how others feel until you ask. Please do not try to predict or assume your team members’ emotions; the purpose is to normalize showing emotions at work. Think of emotions as data, not as good or bad. It can provide you with interesting information about how people or ideas are triggering you. With that data, you can make more conscious choices of how you will respond or act. 

If no one else is showing emotions at work, then it presents the perfect opportunity to begin. Start small; it can be simple as showing appreciation for your team members. Recognition can go a long way and encourage them to do the same, kickstarting a chain reaction. While it may be intimidating to be the first one to begin expressing emotions at work, every journey starts with a single step. Emotions show others the “why” behind your ideas – your motivations or concerns behind your thoughts.

It’s Time to Show Emotions at Work


Showing emotions at work will lead to improved well-being and an overall emotionally intelligent workforce. Hiding feelings at work can lead to higher stress levels, health problems, and poor communication. Besides, hiding emotions at work will contribute to suppressed emotions; emotions run in the background during our everyday lives at work. If we choose not to acknowledge or cope with our emotions, there will be a reverse effect. For instance, if we feel angry and do not cope with the feeling, the anger will snowball and intensify the next time we feel angry. 

Emotional intelligence plays an essential role in the workplace. It can improve leadership skills, develop interpersonal relationships, and assist in decision making. If you would like to learn more about emotional intelligence, see where your emotional intelligence stands with our emotional intelligence assessments. We offer both leadership and workplace assessments, with a personalized debrief from a certified EQ coach. To continue to transform your workplace into an emotionally intelligent one, you can also check out our special packages, which offer a unique combination of a workshop, retreat, EQ assessment, and/or online classes. 

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How to Mentor in the Workplace

How to Mentor in the Workplace

Learning how to mentor in the workplace is an important skill to learn. A mentorship relationship is indeed a two-way street. The mentor has to be willing to help, advise, and coach the mentee, and the mentee has to be willing to put in the effort in order to get the most out of the relationship. Of course, it is the, for the most part, the mentee’s responsibility to get the ball rolling in the right direction. After all, mentees are the ones who require the mentor’s help to propel and accelerate their professional development.

So what do mentees need to know about being a mentee? The following points will highlight what it means to be in the mentee’s shoes and what etiquette they need to mentor in the workplace.

How to Mentor in the Workplace


As a mentee, you are the one asking for guidance and assistance. Proper mentor-mentee relationship etiquette is to let your mentor take the lead. Consider this relationship as being dance partners – one person leads, and the other follows. Remember, your mentor’s experiences count for a lot; they are credible and they hold an incredible amount of information power. Trust in your mentor’s abilities to guide you in the right direction. They have walked miles in your shoes, so let them show you the way.


How do you let your mentor take the lead? Through active listening. But what is the difference between listening and active listening, and why is active listening important? It’s crucial to go further than just hearing what your mentor is saying. Practicing active listening in your mentor-mentee relationship shows that you are absorbing what your mentor is saying, paying attention to their advice, and comprehending their messages clearly.

If your mentor is a successful professional, chances are they are extremely busy outside their mentorship relationship with you. Active listening not only shows your enthusiasm for the opportunity to work alongside your mentor, but it also shows that you are able to take direction well, even amidst all the busyness.


Your time with your mentor is precious and valuable. Not everyone is fortunate enough to find someone with who they are so eager to work alongside and actually be given the opportunity to do so. Showing preparedness by clarifying from the very beginning of the relationship what you are expecting from there, what your goals are, and what you are willing to do in order to achieve those goals shows not only your respect for your mentor, it also shows the respect you have for yourself. Coming prepared with goals and expectations for your mentorship relationship will help in building an effective and efficient connection.


Your mentor has years of first-hand experience, that’s why you want to learn from them, right? As a mentee, it is crucial that you ask for feedback constantly. Although criticism is difficult to take in sometimes, it is an integral part of our personal and professional development. What is important to note about feedback, is how to interpret them as constructive criticism. As a mentee, you should be able to separate your personal insecurities from what your mentor is trying to communicate with you. Often, we are unable to take criticism constructively because we project our personal insecurities to the situation instead of directing the comments strictly to the event.

Mentors will oftentimes have a different point of view from you. Try not to get defensive because they are there to show you alternative ways to criticize situations and tackle situations. Appreciate their honesty with you. If you have concerns with their suggestions, discuss them openly to arrive at a consensus.


Working with mentors can test your ability to multitask. Recurrently, your mentor may give you a variety of work to be completed; this is because they want to give you as much work experience in the field as possible, and they also have less time to dedicate to their own work after taking you under their wing. Respect your mentor’s time and complete work promptly. This also extends to your communication efforts. Returning their phone calls and emails promptly allows them to schedule extra help or reorganize their personal schedules in the event that you are unable to complete assigned tasks or if you are otherwise unavailable to do so.


This section goes hand-in-hand with respecting your mentor’s time. If you are in business, your mentor is likely a successful business person. If you are a teacher, your mentor is likely a successful professor. If you are in culinary arts, your mentor is likely an extremely busy executive chef. Whatever your field is, it is important to take your mentorship relationship seriously. Again, it is not often that mentees are able to choose their own mentors and be given the opportunity to work alongside them. So, take it seriously!

Consider looking at your opportunity from the perspective of a person who did not get the same chance as you. Perhaps it is because they could not commit the time. Or, maybe it is because your mentor, out of all the individuals who had approached them, chose you to be their mentee. Be gracious that you are able to learn from your mentor because there are others who may be willing to work harder than you but were not given the break to.


Mentors have a great impact on their mentees’ lives. They are the ones who develop their critical thinking skills so that their mentees are able to take on challenges in their professional careers in ways that direct them to success. When you write our graduation notes to be printed in your high school yearbook, many of us thank our teachers, family, and friends for helping us get through the five years of secondary school. Why not do the same for your mentors? Mentors do a lot for you – they may invite you to sit in meetings or go to conferences and networking events that will connect you even more so with individuals in your field. Those are opportunities that not very many people get. It is important that you show your gratitude to your mentor because without them, you would probably have to take the long route to your destination.

Respect Your Mentor’s Confidence

Your mentor’s experiences are priceless. They have likely worked with numerous organizations, with each one giving them more knowledge. With every endeavor your mentor has gone through, they gain more confidence. Respect their sureness and be open to their suggestions. If you do find yourself questioning the legitimacy of their actions, talk to them directly. Everyone comes with their personal beliefs and values, and mentors are there to open your eyes to different solutions, not to challenge your principles.

Let Your Mentor Invite You In

First and foremost, your mentor is there to be your professional role model. They are there to show you the ins and outs of your career so that you may accelerate yourself to your professional growth and development. However, because some mentorship relationships require both parties to work closely together for long periods of time, it is inevitable that professional relationships become more personal. If this is the case, let your mentor invite you into their lives. Remember, as a mentee you are there to learn from their professional experiences first.

Keep The Doors Open

When you stay in relationships that no longer have a purpose, it is doing the other party and yourself a disservice. Eventually, your mentorship relationship will run its course, and you, as a mentee, will need to leave the relationship.

It is important not to burn bridges when you leave any mentorship relationship. Keeping the doors open between yourself and your mentor allows an opportunity to work collaboratively again in the future.

Learn more about creating positive two-way communication within a mentor and mentee relationship with our online courses! 

To learn more about the power of emotional intelligence and the benefits of coaching and mentoring in the workplace, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you need help leading your organization to success, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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Invest in Your Teams with Emotional Intelligence Training

Invest in Your Teams with Emotional Intelligence Training

Looking to make an investment in your employee development? Not sure what to train them in next? How about Emotional Intelligence training? But first, let’s answer a question: What skills do you want your employees to have?

  • Decision Making?
  • Stress Tolerance?
  • Anger Management?
  • Empathy?
  • Trust?
  • Assertiveness?
  • Presentation Skills?
  • Accountability?
  • Flexibility?
  • Customer Service?
  • Communication?
  • Change Tolerance?
  • Teamwork?

Emotional Intelligence Training

Ideally, we would like an employee to be all of those things but realistically, no one is all of those things, and no organization has the time or the budget to be able to train every single employee in every one of those skills…right? Well, if you look at the root of those skills, they all actually stem from one thing…Emotional Intelligence. Thankfully, through Emotional Intelligence and resilience training, you can actually give your employees the foundation to be great in all of those things. Right now, Emotional Intelligence is the single most important investment that your organization can make in your employees.

Emotional Intelligence is something that all of us have – no matter what our role in the organization.  The difference between being a great leader, versus being a good leader, is understanding and utilizing our emotional intelligence.

In this day and age, when talent is in high demand, do you find that you are losing your top people to your competition?  Worse yet, are you losing your people to disinterest and apathy?  Are they just showing up and doing time to get to the weekend? By helping your people understand their intrinsic motivators, desires, successes, and interpersonal skills, you are demonstrating your investment in them, and that you are an Employer of Choice.

So what is the most effective way to do Emotional Intelligence training in the workplace? Here are two things you can do…

Have your employees take an EQ Assessment.

The fascinating thing about taking an EQ Assessment is that it tends to show people their hidden attributes and allows them to see their true potential; whilst creating a road map to get them from good to great.

Leaders are put in place to lead their team, but how can they successfully lead a team if they don’t know their own strengths and weaknesses?  It is common for leaders to stick to what they are good at – however, it is their development opportunities that are most important to recognize and learn from.

Having your employees take an EQ Assessment will show them the specific areas that they need to improve in.

Invest in a customized EQ training program.

Once your employees know the skills that they need to work on, now you can provide them with the training to improve on those skills. There are two types of EQ training that you can find, Live Training, and/or Online Training. Both are highly effective programs but are communicated through different platforms.

Emotional Intelligence Live Training is a great option if you are looking for training that happens at the workplace, face to face, in person. It allows for multiple employees to be trained together on the same skill sets. If you are looking for a program that stimulates team bonding, then this is the more suitable option.

Emotional Intelligence Online Training is a great way to get more employees trained at once, at a lower cost. Employees can do this online training at home, and/or at work, at their own pace and convenience. This is more ideal for a company that is looking to do some training but doesn’t have a lot of time or resources to do so. This type of training can allow for the program to be customized to each employee and the specific areas that they are trying to improve in.

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it benefits your organization, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more! 

If you’re looking to invest in your staff with emotional intelligence training, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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How To Get Out of a Rut

How To Get Out of a Rut

We have all had those humdrum periods—those times when we seem to be doing the same activities over and over, and we feel miserable and unfulfilled about it.

Perhaps you are bored with your life – there is nothing exciting on the horizon to look forward to, and you’re so immersed in your day-to-day grind that there is no time or space to bring some enthusiasm and spirit into your dull, monotonous life.  In fact, you can’t even remember the last time you laughed and enjoyed yourself…you have even forgotten what makes you truly happy.

Or perhaps you are feeling burnt out on the job – you’re working your butt off, not seeing the results you want, and wondering if your hard work will ever pay off. That goal you have been stretching for seems insurmountable; you are starting to feel unmotivated, and are about to throw in the towel and say it’s not even worth trying to reach for it anymore. Then, we ask the million-dollar question: How can I move forward when I feel stuck?

The 3 tips for getting out of a rut?

Although, it’s not always easy, here are some to get you started:


1. Know What You Value

Walt Disney once said, “When your values become clear, making decisions becomes easier.” To avoid getting stuck in a mental rut, know what’s important to you. Until you know these guiding principles, you can’t live the life you were meant to.  You need to determine what you truly believe in, what you would take a stand for, what you will say yes to whenever anyone is saying no…and once you do, you can then walk the talk, and live a life that’s in alignment with your core values.


2. Know What You Want

Sometimes we spend so much time going through the motions, we forget why we are even doing it all for. Then, we end up feeling mentally stuck. So, to snap yourself out of ‘auto-pilot’, remind yourself what are your future aspirations?  What are your BHAGs – Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals?  In their 1994 book, Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companiesauthors James Collins and Jerry Porras coined the term, ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal’.  A BHAG is a strategic statement used by businesses (similar to a vision statement) focusing on a medium- to long-term organization-wide goal.  BHAG’s are generally audacious, and most likely questionable, to the outside world, but regarded as an aggressive target, but not impossible, to those within the company.

However, why can’t we use these gallant, strategic statements to shoot for the stars for our own personal goals, rather than just organizational goals?  I believe we can and should.  As an educator, I see all too often that our educational system focuses on learning techniques (the best ways to learn) or educational pathways (the right order to take courses in) on what works for, or is appropriate for, the ‘average’ student. This idea is the central premise of Todd Rose’s book, The End of Average: How to Succeed in a World that Values Sameness

Do you remember the bell curve from school?  The bell curve is the most common type of graph used to describe data distribution.  The highest point on the curve describes the data’s most probable outcome, and all other occurrences fall equally on either side, creating two downward sloping lines from that top point, one line declining to the right and one to the left.

Once you know where you want to go, it’s a lot easier to decide the things you need to do, or don’t do, to get you closer to what you truly want.  And why put limitations on your desires and goals?  Dream big and then pedal hard.  The only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the extra.  Are you willing to take the extra step that is going to make you achieve your wildest dreams?? If yes, sometimes only a little extra degree of effort can make a HUGE difference.


3. Know How to Have Fun

Sometimes we get so bogged down doing the wrong tasks, the things we have to do or don’t like doing, that we rarely have time for fun and play.  So, think of activities you find fun – the things that truly make you happy. Not sure what fun looks like? Think back to your childhood. What did you love to do as a child? Inject some child-like playfulness into your daily activities.  Studies show that learning and creativity are enhanced when we are having fun.

All too often we let what we do determine who we are.  How many times do you find yourself in social settings, and once you move beyond the “Hi, my name is Carolyn”, the next phrase you say is “I am a ____________ (insert 9-to-5 job here)”.  We, all too often, let our corporate roles define us, and/or allow people to make assessments of us based on what we do.  Instead of saying “I am an accountant” for example, have you ever said “I am a parent of two wonderful kids” or “married to a fantastic spouse” or “an animal lover wanting to help those who can’t speak for themselves” or “a volunteer in the community”?  No…we seldom, if ever, say those things.  We invariably default to the title on our business cards, as if that is the defining label of who we are, and then act in that stereotypical manner within our social circles.

We need to find our fun, silly side.  It’s ok to relax and let go and do the things that put a smile on our faces and those around us.  It’s also ok to lighten up at work and smile in our job, as we go forward.  Once we remember how to have fun and enjoy ourselves, then we can let who we are determine what we do and even how we are going to do it.  In The Levity Effect: Why it Pays to Lighten Up, Adrian Gostick and Scott Christopher share that humor in the workplace has many benefits, including employee satisfaction and loyalty, increased productivity, and innovation for a better workplace and higher profits. For other tips and tricks on how to better your wellbeing, click here for our free emotional intelligence tools!


To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it benefits your organization, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you’re stuck in a rut with life, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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Why Emotional Intelligence is Needed in Leadership

Why Emotional Intelligence is Needed in Leadership

From a very young age, we are taught how to read and write, we are taught about sciences, mathematics, languages, fine arts, and social studies. Unfortunately, though, we are not taught the fundamental skills of emotional intelligence (EI) – the ability to use the information provided by our emotions in an effective and meaningful way; to act appropriately in the face of daily challenges.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally intelligent individuals are self-aware, better able to regulate their actions, and have more empathy for others. An increased level of emotional intelligence can also help individuals manage stress better, build healthier relationships, be more effective at work, and be more fulfilled in general. Effective elements of leadership skills include these qualities and soft skills.

Increasing your emotional intelligence means increasing your emotional awareness of both yourself and others. People with high emotional intelligence are able to recognize and manage their own emotions while also being aware of and considering others’ feelings.  Being in tune with how you are projecting yourself and how others perceive your energy is a good indicator of your EI.

Human Resources professionals insist that while a high IQ might get someone hired, a high EQ will get them promoted!  Emotional intelligence skills are critical for career success – your attitude, your work ethic, your communication, conflict management, and stress management.

Consequently, why aren’t schools emphasizing these emotional intelligence skills in the classroom?

As a university professor, I see it almost every day. We, instructors, cause a lot of stress for our students, but we never think to teach them how to manage it.  We put students in teams; but rarely teach them exactly how to work within those teams – or give them any guidelines on how to collaborate with others who have different personalities, communication styles, or cultures.

The same holds true in the corporate world.  Corporations seem to expect people to know how to behave on the job. They assume employees innately know the importance of being on time, taking initiative, being friendly, thinking clearly under pressure, and producing high-quality work.

Why is emotional intelligence important in leadership? Not only is it an important skill to have if you want to be an effective and efficient leader because a “high EI is a [strong] predictor of success,” but EI has the ability to affect various aspects of your leadership role. “Being able to relate behaviors and challenges of emotional intelligence on workplace performance is an immense advantage in building an exceptional team.”

Leadership in today’s environment is all about inspiring, motivating, and igniting passion in others. This helps attract and retain top talent, in addition to increasing productivity. So, how do we coach people to inspire, motivate, and ignite passion? This is done through developing the skills of leading with emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is important in being a successful leader because it helps defeat communication deficiencies that are detrimental to any group and team. When leadership roles are filled with individuals who are not yet emotionally intelligent, communication difficulties arise – team members are not heard, leaders are not able to adapt to individual needs, and messages are lost in the midst of the chaos.

Effective leaders are able to lead their fellow people by understanding their needs and reacting to those needs, not from raw emotions, rather, from self-awareness – “How are my verbal and nonverbal communication styles affecting my team?”

The following are the four key emotional intelligence skills you need to build and enhance to be an effective leader.

How Emotional Intelligence Affects Your Leadership Skills


Self-awareness is your ability to recognize, understand, and regulate your own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. Being self-aware allows you to fully understand your personal values, beliefs, motivations, strengths, fears, and limitations. When you know what is important to you, and the external factors which challenge you, you will be able to react in a controlled manner, rather than blowing up without first assessing the situation. This, of course, is an integral characteristic of being a strong leader. There is nothing worse than being in a leadership position and projecting your insecurities to those who you are trying to lead; when you don’t truly know who you are and what you need to work on, the people who are following you will feel just as lost as you appear.



As one of your major duties in a leadership role, you need to be able to foster a positive work environment. Being able to practice self-management means staying focused and composed when times are difficult and trying. This is another important characteristic that leaders need to have.

If you lose your calm and controlled demeanor when situations turn challenging and chaotic, your team members may feel and internalize your energy, and they can project the same disordered dynamic. Inevitably, a lack of self-management will affect your work environment in a significant way – remember, when people look at you as the leader of the pack, they turn to you for cues on how to react and how to respond.



Being socially aware is having the ability to practice compassion. Though closely related, compassion and empathy show differences in their nature. Compassion is the ability to show concern with one’s suffering or needs, whereas, empathy is the capability to understand those feelings and appreciate them as if they were yours – putting yourself in others’ shoes.

Practicing compassion and empathy is imperative in any leadership role. It nurtures a sense of trust between you, the leader, and the individuals you are trying to lead; trust in a group strengthens your personal and collaborative relationships, positioning you in a role of strength.



Emotionally intelligent leaders have well-maintained relationships. They are able to develop and maintain relationships both outside and inside their positions. Conflicts are inevitable. But how are you managing them? Are you a person who blows up and makes the situation worse? Or are you a person who acknowledges the situation and tries to mend the problem, turning it into something productive? If you are the latter of the two, then you are on the right track for exhibiting emotional intelligence. Leaders who are adept at this skill know that conflicts will arise undoubtedly. However, these leaders are able to push through the superficial issues and turn them around into a productive experience from which the entire team can benefit.

There it is, the four personal skills you will need to develop if you want to grow into the kind of powerful, yet personable leader you want to become.

Remember, as an organizational leader, you are leading people, and people have feelings. Ultimately, this means that you are also managing people’s feelings so they are able to produce quality work. By improving your emotional intelligence through the use of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and maintaining relationships, you are en route to honing your leadership skills. If you want more tips on how to Learn More. Be Better, check out our services!

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it benefits your organization, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you need help leading your organization to success, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, and Instagram to keep up with our latest blogs!