Personal Development Archives - Page 2 of 2

Using Your EQ for Successful Networking

by Carolyn Stern | May 15, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Networking

Everyone has heard that networking and building relationships is a crucial part of business and it’s true. However, large majorities believe that networking is only done face-to-face, which is in fact incorrect. Yes, networking events are common in a lot of businesses, but if you would like to connect with another person or business there are alternative ways, such as: email, phone, or connecting on business social media platforms like LinkedIn. Limiting yourself to just one outlet to connect with someone limits your opportunity of actually making an impact. Using your EQ for successful networking and maintaining professional relationships, will set you apart from your competition!

The 3 Ways of Using Your EQ For Successful Networking:

1. You know your desired outcome

Being self-aware, and understanding what you want is a huge element of networking. Whether it is getting a new job, connecting with potential clients, or talking to fellow employees; your ambition to get the result you want will be higher if you know what you need and want. Before you go to an event, pick up the phone or send an email to a potential business connection to open communication up. Think to yourself why do you want to talk to them? And what is the ideal outcome from this connection?

2. You are more aware of others

There are two parties involved in networking: you and the other person(s) you are connecting with. Having emotional intelligence, allows you to not only understand your emotions but others around you as well. When having a conversation with another person, it is important to have the ability to pick up on their reactions, responses, and emotions throughout the conversation – It will help you with what and how you say things.

3. You are able to express yourself

It is important to be yourself when networking or meeting new people, and self-expression helps you do that. Once you work on your EI muscles, you will be given the strength to become assertive which, in networking, is crucial. Being able to walk into a room and exude confidence and a powerful personality will not only help you connect with others but make a lasting impression.

3 Important Things to Remember when Networking

1. Don’t only talk about work

It is important to make a true connection and build positive relationships, and if you only focus on and talk about work, chances are you will leave an unimpressionable mark on the other party. Small talk can be at times tricky, but find something both parties have in common and go from there!

2. Be creative

If you network via email or LinkedIn, make sure the message is memorable. If you are trying to get a job that you know requires a portfolio of some kind, be ahead of the game and submit a sample piece in your message.

3. Stay in contact

The biggest mistake people make is to wait for the other party to reach out first. Remember to ask for their business card, email address or phone number. After your first encounter, it is always a good idea to send a follow-up email or phone call to show your interest in them and it will leave a great impression.

To discover more about your level of EQ and how to improve on it, check out our free emotional intelligence tools!

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it benefits your company and team members, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you’re looking to build your EQ for successful networking, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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How To Get Out of a Rut

by Carolyn Stern | Apr 15, 2018 | Personal Development, Self-awareness

We have all had those humdrum periods—those times when we seem to be doing the same activities over and over, and we feel miserable and unfulfilled about it.

Perhaps you are bored with your life – there is nothing exciting on the horizon to look forward to, and you’re so immersed in your day-to-day grind that there is no time or space to bring some enthusiasm and spirit into your dull, monotonous life. In fact, you can’t even remember the last time you laughed and enjoyed yourself…you have even forgotten what makes you truly happy.

Or perhaps you are feeling burnt out on the job – you’re working your butt off, not seeing the results you want, and wondering if your hard work will ever pay off. That goal you have been stretching for seems insurmountable; you are starting to feel unmotivated, and are about to throw in the towel and say it’s not even worth trying to reach for it anymore. Then, we ask the million-dollar question: How can I move forward when I feel stuck?

The 3 tips for getting out of a rut?

Although, it’s not always easy, here are some to get you started:

1. Know What You Value

Walt Disney once said, “When your values become clear, making decisions becomes easier.” To avoid getting stuck in a mental rut, know what’s important to you. Until you know these guiding principles, you can’t live the life you were meant to. You need to determine what you truly believe in, what you would take a stand for, what you will say yes to whenever anyone is saying no…and once you do, you can then walk the talk, and live a life that’s in alignment with your core values.

2. Know What You Want

Sometimes we spend so much time going through the motions, we forget why we are even doing it all for. Then, we end up feeling mentally stuck. So, to snap yourself out of ‘auto-pilot’, remind yourself what are your future aspirations? What are your BHAGs – Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals? In their 1994 book, Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies, authors James Collins and Jerry Porras coined the term, ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal’. A BHAG is a strategic statement used by businesses (similar to a vision statement) focusing on a medium- to long-term organization-wide goal. BHAG’s are generally audacious, and most likely questionable, to the outside world, but regarded as an aggressive target, but not impossible, to those within the company.

However, why can’t we use these gallant, strategic statements to shoot for the stars for our own personal goals, rather than just organizational goals? I believe we can and should. As an educator, I see all too often that our educational system focuses on learning techniques (the best ways to learn) or educational pathways (the right order to take courses in) on what works for, or is appropriate for, the ‘average’ student. This idea is the central premise of Todd Rose’s book, The End of Average: How to Succeed in a World that Values Sameness.

Do you remember the bell curve from school? The bell curve is the most common type of graph used to describe data distribution. The highest point on the curve describes the data’s most probable outcome, and all other occurrences fall equally on either side, creating two downward sloping lines from that top point, one line declining to the right and one to the left.

Once you know where you want to go, it’s a lot easier to decide the things you need to do, or don’t do, to get you closer to what you truly want. And why put limitations on your desires and goals? Dream big and then pedal hard. The only difference between ordinary and extraordinary is the extra. Are you willing to take the extra step that is going to make you achieve your wildest dreams?? If yes, sometimes only a little extra degree of effort can make a HUGE difference.

3. Know How to Have Fun

Sometimes we get so bogged down doing the wrong tasks, the things we have to do or don’t like doing, that we rarely have time for fun and play. So, think of activities you find fun – the things that truly make you happy. Not sure what fun looks like? Think back to your childhood. What did you love to do as a child? Inject some child-like playfulness into your daily activities. Studies show that learning and creativity are enhanced when we are having fun.

All too often we let what we do determine who we are. How many times do you find yourself in social settings, and once you move beyond the “Hi, my name is Carolyn”, the next phrase you say is “I am a ____________ (insert 9-to-5 job here)”. We, all too often, let our corporate roles define us, and/or allow people to make assessments of us based on what we do. Instead of saying “I am an accountant” for example, have you ever said “I am a parent of two wonderful kids” or “married to a fantastic spouse” or “an animal lover wanting to help those who can’t speak for themselves” or “a volunteer in the community”? No…we seldom, if ever, say those things. We invariably default to the title on our business cards, as if that is the defining label of who we are, and then act in that stereotypical manner within our social circles.

We need to find our fun, silly side. It’s ok to relax and let go and do the things that put a smile on our faces and those around us. It’s also ok to lighten up at work and smile in our job, as we go forward. Once we remember how to have fun and enjoy ourselves, then we can let who we are determine what we do and even how we are going to do it. In The Levity Effect: Why it Pays to Lighten Up, Adrian Gostick and Scott Christopher share that humor in the workplace has many benefits, including employee satisfaction and loyalty, increased productivity, and innovation for a better workplace and higher profits. For other tips and tricks on how to better your wellbeing, click here for our free emotional intelligence tools!

To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it benefits your organization, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you’re stuck in a rut with life, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, and Instagram to keep up with our latest blogs!

3 Strategies to Find Your True Calling

by Carolyn Stern | Mar 15, 2018 | Personal Development, Personal Growth

Have you ever felt stuck working the grind every day, going through the motions, checking off your mundane daily tasks from your to-do list, just to make it to your weekend? You know in your heart that the only way to get unstuck is to make changes in your everyday life for the things you’re passionate about, but you don’t know where to begin. You have been living one way for so long, but what is it all for?

Why are you working so hard? To retire? To travel the world? To make a difference? What’s your calling?

Often, people are willing to stick to what ‘society’ tells us we should be doing, because we have all bought into the idea of keeping up with the Joneses. We settle for what is easy, convenient, or popular. And although this makes our life simpler and a lot more predictable because others have followed this path before us, it has the dangerous potential to make us lose sight of what is truly important and unique to us.

Perhaps you are getting that paycheck at the job you don’t love, but the money is decent so you compromise yourself. You know your personal values don’t line up with the values of the company, and you sure as hell don’t love what you do, but you stay, because finding something else sounds irresponsible.

Now take a moment, take a deep breath, and think about it. What were you meant to do in your life? What is your true calling?

Taking the time to listen to and embrace what your inner voice is telling you is crucial. Give yourself the chance to find your true calling, before you come up with millions of excuses why doing so is a bad idea.

3 Strategies to Find Your True Calling

Commit to Making a Change

You know you need to make some changes in your life, and the good news is self-awareness is the first step. Once you know better, you do better.

After that awareness, comes commitment. “Commitment is the recipe for change.” Essentially, making a commitment to change any aspect of your life so that you can leave space and time for something better – to find your true calling – is the second step.

Once you make that commitment, the third step is you need a plan. It means making a promise to yourself to set a goal or a vision; to identify what your ideal you look like. Then, step four is to work your plan…work hard at it every day to close the gap between your current reality and your vision. It’s crucial to recognize that you may relapse into old habits and patterns, but remember to be kind to yourself if you do. You are human, and not perfect “Keep your eye on the prize”, realign yourself again, and keep working at your plan.

Don’t worry if your vision is not crystal clear. It does not need to be; but what you do need to start to think about are the things in your life that are going against or deconstructing what you truly desire, and then, quite simply, stop doing those things.

Remember To Do The Things You Loved To Before Getting Stuck

Before you landed the job that is now a co-dependent relationship that consumes your life and makes you drop all of your personal hobbies, what did you enjoy doing? What kind of activities did you participate in? What kind of hobbies did you have? What did you love to do before feeling lost and getting stuck?

Today, we put enormous pressure on ourselves to be better; whether that means to be better than our colleagues, our friends, and/or our family members. Constantly trying to outdo others eventually leaves us lost.

We forget about our personal hobbies because our significant other does not have the same passions as we do. We let go of our extracurricular activities so that we have more time to get ahead at work. No matter what the case, many of us compromise ourselves because we feel the pressure to please or surpass others – we forget about our needs, our desires, and our dreams.

Remembering the things you loved to do before getting stuck is an incredibly powerful step in finding your true calling. When you are mindful of the things that bring you enjoyment and self-fulfillment, it becomes clear what it is you truly want to do. Let yourself have fun doing those things, and stop feeling guilty about trying to find happiness.

Guilt should not creep in when we make time to do the things we love. When we let go of the guilt and give ourselves permission to be us, we find inner peace. When we take less time to think about whether or not we should or should not do something, and just do it, we make the time and space for ourselves to explore our endless possibilities. And when we allow ourselves that flexibility and freedom, we’ll be surprised at how happy we can become.

Learn to Say No

Often, people regard saying no as being inconsiderate or selfish. This is not the case. When you say no to others, it means that you are putting your best interests first, and there is nothing selfish about that. This is vital when trying to gain an understanding of who we are and what we want.

Airline crews always preach to passengers if there is an emergency on board, we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first before putting one on anyone else. When you learn to say no, you are respecting yourself by putting your needs first. When you don’t say no to others, their priorities get ahead of yours, and “you won’t be able to say yes to the really important things.” You need to invest in you, to figure out what it is you want and need to be to become the best version of yourself.

Setting boundaries and saying no to things gives you time and space to say yes to the things you love, and will lessen the chance of burnout. When you say no, you prioritize yourself – you have more energy to put into your personal and unique journey to self-actualization. And you are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself; so be truly you.

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Why Emotional Intelligence is Needed in Leadership

by Carolyn Stern | Mar 1, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Leadership

From a very young age, we are taught how to read and write, we are taught about sciences, mathematics, languages, fine arts, and social studies. Unfortunately, though, we are not taught the fundamental skills of emotional intelligence (EI) – the ability to use the information provided by our emotions in an effective and meaningful way; to act appropriately in the face of daily challenges.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally intelligent individuals are self-aware, better able to regulate their actions, and have more empathy for others. An increased level of emotional intelligence can also help individuals manage stress better, build healthier relationships, be more effective at work, and be more fulfilled in general. Effective elements of leadership skills include these qualities and soft skills.

Increasing your emotional intelligence means increasing your emotional awareness of both yourself and others. People with high emotional intelligence are able to recognize and manage their own emotions while also being aware of and considering others’ feelings. Being in tune with how you are projecting yourself and how others perceive your energy is a good indicator of your EI.

Human Resources professionals insist that while a high IQ might get someone hired, a high EQ will get them promoted! Emotional intelligence skills are critical for career success – your attitude, your work ethic, your communication, conflict management, and stress management.

Consequently, why aren’t schools emphasizing these emotional intelligence skills in the classroom?

As a university professor, I see it almost every day. We, instructors, cause a lot of stress for our students, but we never think to teach them how to manage it. We put students in teams; but rarely teach them exactly how to work within those teams – or give them any guidelines on how to collaborate with others who have different personalities, communication styles, or cultures.

The same holds true in the corporate world. Corporations seem to expect people to know how to behave on the job. They assume employees innately know the importance of being on time, taking initiative, being friendly, thinking clearly under pressure, and producing high-quality work.

Why is emotional intelligence important in leadership? Not only is it an important skill to have if you want to be an effective and efficient leader because a “high EI is a [strong] predictor of success,” but EI has the ability to affect various aspects of your leadership role. “Being able to relate behaviors and challenges of emotional intelligence on workplace performance is an immense advantage in building an exceptional team.”

Leadership in today’s environment is all about inspiring, motivating, and igniting passion in others. This helps attract and retain top talent, in addition to increasing productivity. So, how do we coach people to inspire, motivate, and ignite passion? This is done through developing the skills of leading with emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is important in being a successful leader because it helps defeat communication deficiencies that are detrimental to any group and team. When leadership roles are filled with individuals who are not yet emotionally intelligent, communication difficulties arise – team members are not heard, leaders are not able to adapt to individual needs, and messages are lost in the midst of the chaos.

Effective leaders are able to lead their fellow people by understanding their needs and reacting to those needs, not from raw emotions, rather, from self-awareness – “How are my verbal and nonverbal communication styles affecting my team?”

The following are the four key emotional intelligence skills you need to build and enhance to be an effective leader.

How Emotional Intelligence Affects Your Leadership Skills

SELF AWARENESS

Self-awareness is your ability to recognize, understand, and regulate your own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. Being self-aware allows you to fully understand your personal values, beliefs, motivations, strengths, fears, and limitations. When you know what is important to you, and the external factors which challenge you, you will be able to react in a controlled manner, rather than blowing up without first assessing the situation. This, of course, is an integral characteristic of being a strong leader. There is nothing worse than being in a leadership position and projecting your insecurities to those who you are trying to lead; when you don’t truly know who you are and what you need to work on, the people who are following you will feel just as lost as you appear.

SELF-MANAGEMENT

As one of your major duties in a leadership role, you need to be able to foster a positive work environment. Being able to practice self-management means staying focused and composed when times are difficult and trying. This is another important characteristic that leaders need to have.

If you lose your calm and controlled demeanor when situations turn challenging and chaotic, your team members may feel and internalize your energy, and they can project the same disordered dynamic. Inevitably, a lack of self-management will affect your work environment in a significant way – remember, when people look at you as the leader of the pack, they turn to you for cues on how to react and how to respond.

SOCIAL AWARENESS

Being socially aware is having the ability to practice compassion. Though closely related, compassion and empathy show differences in their nature. Compassion is the ability to show concern with one’s suffering or needs, whereas, empathy is the capability to understand those feelings and appreciate them as if they were yours – putting yourself in others’ shoes.

Practicing compassion and empathy is imperative in any leadership role. It nurtures a sense of trust between you, the leader, and the individuals you are trying to lead; trust in a group strengthens your personal and collaborative relationships, positioning you in a role of strength.

HAVE WELL MAINTAINED RELATIONSHIPS

Emotionally intelligent leaders have well-maintained relationships. They are able to develop and maintain relationships both outside and inside their positions. Conflicts are inevitable. But how are you managing them? Are you a person who blows up and makes the situation worse? Or are you a person who acknowledges the situation and tries to mend the problem, turning it into something productive? If you are the latter of the two, then you are on the right track for exhibiting emotional intelligence. Leaders who are adept at this skill know that conflicts will arise undoubtedly. However, these leaders are able to push through the superficial issues and turn them around into a productive experience from which the entire team can benefit.

There it is, the four personal skills you will need to develop if you want to grow into the kind of powerful, yet personable leader you want to become.

Remember, as an organizational leader, you are leading people, and people have feelings. Ultimately, this means that you are also managing people’s feelings so they are able to produce quality work. By improving your emotional intelligence through the use of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and maintaining relationships, you are en route to honing your leadership skills. If you want more tips on how to Learn More. Be Better, check out our services!

If you need help leading your organization to success, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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New Year, New Outlook

by Carolyn Stern | Jan 1, 2018 | Personal Development, Wellness

Oh, 2018: a year of new beginnings. As we enter 2018 it is important to take a moment to reflect on the previous year and look ahead to the new year in front of us. What did you accomplish in 2017? What do you want to accomplish in 2018? How can you make this possible?

We’ve all heard the phrase “New Year, New Me.” But every year, our New Year’s resolutions don’t end up following through. We end up forgetting about them or just give up before the year ends. This year, try and break that cycle by creating a New Year’s resolution that’s worth following through with.

Practicing optimism and positive thinking in your everyday life can drastically change the way you live. By taking steps to change your outlook on life you can begin to improve your mood and change both your personal and professional life for the better.

Now you may be the kind of person who can remain cheerful, despite rejection, failure, loss, or trauma. You may be able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again and continue to see the positives in life. But for those of us who don’t naturally have a positive outlook on life, it can be much more difficult to change our thinking.

Perhaps there have been a few negative situations that have occurred in your life recently that have caused you to start seeing things through slightly grey-tinted glasses. Subtle, and easy to miss, your mild depressive thoughts start to take over and you don’t even notice you are not as positive as you usually are. You are still taking part in life and even smiling along the way, but just not reaping as many pleasures as you once were.

It can be difficult to remain positive about the future when faced with adversity; however, it is entirely possible. Switching your focus from a pessimistic view to an optimistic view can dramatically improve your quality of life as well as your relationships.

Viktor Frankl, in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, stated, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Learning how to stay positive during negative situations is an invaluable skill to master to live a healthy life.

You can build up a mindset based on positivity. Here are three simple, but effective tips to get to the silver linings amongst the grey clouds:

1. Stop and Unplug

In today’s technological era we spend so much time in isolation in front of our computers. People become so attached to their multiple social media accounts that it overtakes face-to-face interactions. With social networks constantly at our fingertips, it can become our nightly ritual to compare our perceived humdrum lives to those of others who appear to be glamorously based on what they’re posting on Facebook.

Additionally, people are able to hide behind their computer screens, which makes it much easier to spew negativity. Anonymously behind the safe haven of their screen, the negativity can be released through harassment, rumor mongering, rude comments, or exclusion of others by a simple click of a button. Gretchen Rubin, the author of “The Happiness Project” said it best when it comes to our constant attention to our social media accounts – “technology is a good servant but a bad master.”

As well, technology allows us to film every waking moment. Some of us can be so caught up trying to capture all of life’s precious moments on camera that we lose the thrill of just enjoying the actual moment. Why put a screen between you and your life? It’s isolating enough when you’re alone in front of a computer, but now many of us are doing it when out amongst the crowds. By recording the moment, we miss feeding off the energy of others and contributing our own energy to these once-in-a-lifetime moments.

Therefore it is important to take the time to stop and unplug from the digital world and connect with others. Be present. Live and experience each moment with all of your senses. Interact with real people in real-time rather than connecting virtually through your mobile devices. “To be able to stay positive it is essential to have influences in your life that support you and lift you up instead of dragging you down.” Staying in touch with friends and loved ones is extremely beneficial for our happiness and well-being. Research demonstrates that spending positive time with other people improves our happiness immediately.

2. Practice Self-Care

In order to stay positive during difficult times, it is important to take care of ourselves. “Inadequate self-care, that is the inability to put yourself first by making sure you get the rest, nutrition and movement you need to perform is the cause of much stress, re-work, and poor leadership.”

We all know that exercise is good for our bodies, but it is also great for our minds. Study after study has shown the positive effect that being active has on our brains. Exercise produces endorphins and proteins that make us feel happier – it increases your cognitive abilities, helps you sleep better, enhances your self-perception, and improves your overall sense of well-being. Exercise is also an excellent way to ward off negativity and stress.

In addition, consuming healthy, wholesome fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, grains, nuts, and seeds provides your body and brain with the nutrients needed to function at optimal levels and to stay healthy and happy. Unhealthy foods, especially those that contain processed carbohydrates, sugars and fats, and artificial sweeteners have been linked to many diseases, depression, and even brain shrinkage. Remember – you are what you eat.

Finally, getting enough sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your health. Sleep gives your body a chance to recover from the day and repair itself. Sleep is also important for increased happiness. Having a good night’s sleep can have a big impact when we have a lot of tension inside and our thoughts are pessimistic. When we are well-rested, we can think more clearly and optimistically.

Therefore, in order to stay positive about the future, make self-care a priority, especially given the emotional strains inherent in our professions and personal lives. Don’t feel guilty about making time for yourself. Studies show that when we care for ourselves, it not only has an impact on ourselves but also on others that we interact with. Here are some ways to incorporate self-care into your busy lives.

3. Clean Up Your Life and Be Grateful

Many times there tends to be a reason when you have a negative attitude or outlook. Maybe it’s the negative people you surround yourself with, or maybe it is the dissatisfaction you have with your current job. Whatever the reason, remember you only have one life, so make sure that you make the necessary changes to live a more positive life. Oprah once said, “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”

Once you have taken an inventory of the negative influences in your life, cleanse yourself of everything keeping you down. Get rid of the negativity, and remember to shift your focus onto all of the positive aspects of your life.

Voice your blessings and commit to practicing gratitude on a regular basis. Keep a gratitude journal and write down what you are grateful for each day – like a daily appreciation exercise. Share these thoughts with friends and family and show your gratitude to others often. Continue to talk about the things you truly feel grateful for.

The power of positive thinking can put negative situations in perspective and can help us deal with them as they arise. On especially difficult days, read back through your gratitude journal to help shift your attitude and remind yourself about all of the good things in your life. Winston Churchill’s famous quote said it best – “a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

There you have it, three simple steps to becoming more positive for New Year 2018. Don’t worry if it doesn’t happen overnight…these three steps are progressing you in the right direction – onwards and upwards.

If you need help leading towards success, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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