Carolyn Stern, Author at EI Experience

Coaching: Don’t Press Send On That Email!

by Carolyn Stern | May 15, 2017 | Coaching, Impulse Control

Have you ever sent an email message and then regretted it after it was too late?

A rule of thumb should be that whenever you need to have a difficult conversation or give feedback, you do it face-to-face, never send an email.

Words in an email are powerful and can be misconstrued.

BODY LANGUAGE SPEAKS VOLUME

Did you know…only 7% of what people hear are words, 38% is the tone of voice, and 55% is body language. Both the tone of your words, and your body language cannot be seen or heard in an email; therefore, email communication can often be interpreted incorrectly, and the message may not be received with the intention it was sent.

Workplace coaching face-to-face is necessary to ensure your feedback is received appropriately when the need for a difficult conversation arises. Michael Massari, the VP of Caesars Entertainment, discusses with Forbes the importance of face-to-face communication and its impact on collaboration. Regardless of the industry, all businesses require the need to create prosperous partnerships, and that is done through building trust and engaging others in face-to-face communication.

Now, if you are investing this time into business partnerships outside of your organization, you should definitely be investing the same time into your people.

So, what drives effective leaders to make email mistakes?

Impulse control.

One of the 15 competencies in EQ-i 2.0 model developed by Multi-Health Systems (MHS) is impulse control – the ability to resist or delay an impulsive, drive, or temptation to act.

It is your impulse control that leads you to spew off a clever and snappy reply to the person who just sent you a nasty email.

But wait, breathe and figure out a strategy on how you are going to broach the difficult subject in person, face-to-face.

Like building any muscle…you need to work it to become stronger. To have bigger biceps, you need to do more bicep curls.

In order to build your emotional muscles, you need to work them. To become better at controlling your impulses, you need to resist the temptation and don’t send an email, even if you really, really want to.

Impulse Control Best Practices

Try these best practices for Feedback that Works from the Harvard Business Review:

Focus on business outcomes
Give feedback often
Don’t assume you are right
Ask questions
Follow-through
Gather feedback on how you give feedback

Use the business outcome as an opportunity to solve problems rather than criticize the person you are speaking with. This allows for the chance for you to align your goals and find a solution together.

“Difficult feedback is rarely about getting the facts right, it’s about conflicting views, feelings and values. Reasonable people differ about all of these things.” – Robert Witherspoon

When you are coaching someone you should be looking at the whole picture, the business goals, their perspective, and the follow-through if necessary. Conducting these meetings face-to-face will build rapport, encourage your team, and develop their commitment to growth, so don’t do it over email!

Take a minute to reflect on your impulse control, does it affect how you respond to your team? Do you fall victim to your impulse control and press send too quickly?

To learn more about emotional intelligence and the purpose of coaching in the workplace, sign up for our biweekly newsletter here, where you will receive our latest updates, an inventory of resources, and much more!

If you need help with coaching and mentoring in the workplace, book a call with us here; we’d love to listen and provide support in any way we can.

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20 Great Public Speaking Tips

by Carolyn Stern | May 1, 2017 | Presentation Skills, Public Speaking

Preparation is one of the most important factors in determining the success of your presentation! Every professional in the world must practise to standout in their field, from athletes to doctors, preparation is key, and your presentation should not be the exception.

Below are 20 useful public speaking tips we provide clients trying to improve their presentation skills.

1. Know your material

Know more about it than you include in your speech. You must know your material in a way that you understand it inside and out, you know how the audience will relate and receive it and are able to portray why it is important.

2. Do not have notes

Do not bring cue cards or any kind of notes to the front of the room. Notes may tempt you to read instead of speak to the audience. No one likes to listen to someone who is reading.

3. Do not memorize your speech

Use conversational language and change your language every time you practice – that way you won’t easily forget what you are trying to say. Know the “jest” of your content, but do not memorize.

4. 6 x 6 rule

If you use a slideshow (PowerPoint/Prezi), use a maximum of 6 words per point, 6 points per slide.

5. Dress appropriately

Wear suitable clothing appropriate for the audience and venue. Make sure the clothing does not draw unwanted attention on you. You want them focusing on your speech, not your clothes.

6. Remember the 4 P’s in Public Speaking – watch your power, pace, pitch and pause

Power is the volume of delivery;
The pace is the rate of delivery;
Pitch is the tone of sounds ranging from high to low;
Pause is a temporary stop, which can be an effective tool to maintain attention, gives the presenter time to breathe and the audience time to think about what was said.

7. Practice, practice, practice!

Rehearse out loud with all equipment you plan on using. Arrive early, and test out the audiovisual equipment first prior to starting your presentations.

8. Work to control filler words such as uhm’s and ah’s

Practice, pause and breathe. Practice with a friend, and/or record yourself to catch all of your filler words prior to your presentation day.

9. Relax

Begin by addressing the audience. It buys you time and calms your nerves. Pause, smile and count to three before saying anything. (“One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand. Pause. Begin.”) Transform nervous energy into enthusiasm.

10. Don’t apologize

Don’t apologize for any nervousness, problem, or mistake – the audience probably never noticed it. When you apologize, you just draw more attention to the error.

11. When it comes to visuals – less is more

Visual aids are most appealing with impactful images and less words. When you have too many words on your visuals, it can be used as a crutch, and the presenter may be tempted to read off the screen/slide rather than looking at the audience.

Consider this quote from Robert Frost, Instructor and Flight Controller at NASA “A presentation should not be just a data dump. If our goal is just to provide data, then we would be better off cancelling the presentation and just sending out the data. The presenter is providing a perspective that the data cannot provide, by itself.”

12. Watch your body language

Only 7% of what people hear are your actual words. 55% of what people hear is what they see or feel, which includes: gestures, posture, facial expressions, dress and grooming, eye contact, and touches and gestures. 38% is what people hear is your tone of voice, vocal clarity, verbal expressiveness. Watch what your body and tone is actually saying to the audience.

13. Eye contact

Make sure you look into the eyes of your audience. Have good eye contact and scan the room. Hold one person’s eyes for a complete thought and then move to someone else. Imagine you are having a one-on-one conversation with that person. Do this in a zigzag fashion to connect with as many people as possible.

14. Concentrate on the message – not the medium

Focus your attention away from your own anxieties and concentrate on your message and your audience. It’s never about you; it’s all about your audience.

15. Know your purpose

What do you want to say in your speech, and what do you want the audience to leave with; what do you want the audience to think, say or do after listening to your presentation.

16. Three main components of a speech

Make sure you have the main three components in your speech – opening/introduction, body (usually three points), and conclusion/closing.

17. Smile and the world smiles at you

One of the simple social pleasures of life, which goes almost unnoticed because it’s automatic, is when you smile at someone and they smile back. Smiling can relax your nerves, and when the audience is smiling back at you, it boosts your confidence. Smiling is something that is understood by everyone despite culture, race, or religion; it is internationally known.

18. Watch your gestures

Keep your hands out of your pockets. Do not fidget with hair, glasses, clothing, pens, etc.

19. Use professional language

Do not use slang and casual language such as ”you guys” ”like” ”cause”. This is a business presentation, so please be business-like.

20. Think positive and visualize yourself giving an impactful speech

Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear and confident. Visualize the audience clapping – it will boost your confidence. Realize that people want you to succeed. Audiences want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative and entertaining. They’re rooting for you.

Need more tips? Get in contact with the EI Experience team to see how we can help your public speaking today.

What Are Mentors Meant For?

by Carolyn Stern | Mar 1, 2017 | Interpersonal Relationships, Mentorship

A mentor is so much more than just someone who passes on their skills and shows you the ropes. The right mentor can possibly change your life.

It can be deceptively simple sometimes. A mentor can be anyone. It could even be you. Have you already taken somebody under your wing?

There’s a reason why the mentee/mentor archetype is so prevalent in our legends and stories. Everyone needs their Yoda, their Mr.Miyagi, their Gandalf… The list goes on. It’s a proven formula.

Mentoring in Organizations

In organizations, mentoring builds stronger bonds among your employees, as your people are more connected and get to actually know each other. We are, after all, social creatures, and these types of relationships can make your work even more worthwhile, to the point where you may even forget that it’s work in the first place! We all know the old saying that ‘2 heads are better than 1’, and it applies in this context as you can tackle problems with the added insight of someone else with a different perspective.

Mentoring is also a way of developing the career of young workers and building employee loyalty. That means better retention rates, while also giving you the option of hiring from within the company instead of potentially costly external hires.

Recent grads can be a great investment for the future if your organization has a strong mentorship program. If it’s relevant to your industry, you could consider co-op education programs.

But mentoring isn’t just reserved for those with experience and seniority. Bottom-up mentoring is gaining popularity as well. Also known as reverse mentoring, it is when a junior worker is able to mentor a superior, such as in social media or website design.

But regardless whether it’s top-down or bottom-up, mentoring is mutually beneficial. An infusion of youthful ideas can inspire a mind tired of what has become the day-to-day routine, while at the same time the wisdom that comes from experience can temper the recklessness of youth.

Mentoring can also help close that generation gap, as all the young and old and in-betweens get the chance to get to know each other, while simultaneously increasing the level of engagement in their jobs. It’s funny how a little empathy and caring can go such a long way, and that all starts with being able to relate to your fellow person.

So how do you find a mentor? It’s not as hard as you might be thinking.

Finding your mentor could be as easy as looking to your preexisting network of friends, family, and colleagues. I’m guessing that many of those people have their special talents, as do you, or at the very least you could say that they have more experience and knowledge than you in certain things. And if those certain things happen to interest you, that’s a potential mentor right there. It could be as simple as asking your friend, who excels at Excel spreadsheets, to show you a couple tricks.

I’m sure we’ve all played and will continue to play, both the mentor and mentee roles throughout our lives as we continue to grow and meet new people, all the while adding new interests and skills.

You never know who may come into your life, and it can be fun and exciting to see new opportunities and ideas come to light. But sometimes it’s up to you to make the first move, and it can be as easy as calling to set up a meeting with someone you admire. The thing about life is you will never know what could have happened unless you take that chance. So why not put the ‘what ifs’ to rest, and just go for it?

What is Mindful Leadership?

by Carolyn Stern | Feb 15, 2017 | Leadership, Mindfulness

Nowadays it is so easy to get caught up in the stress, noise, and excitement of the modern world. We are constantly being bombarded by billboards, commercials, and jingles all vying for our attention. Add to that our reliance on our smartphones and the nonstop status updates and tweets, and it seems we never have a moment to ourselves. It might feel like you’re thinking about a million things at once.

Day in and day out, it slowly takes its toll, to the point where it can feel almost overwhelming. And how do we react? Sometimes we seem distant and preoccupied, sometimes we get high-strung and irritable, and sometimes, in worst case scenarios, it keeps us up all night.

We’ve all heard the saying that ‘a mind is a terrible thing to waste’, and I know what you’re thinking. “Of course it’s a terrible thing to waste! And I’m definitely NOT wasting mine, just look at how busy I am!”

But have you ever thought about how you use it?

What if I told you there was a way to train and develop your mind in order to better overcome stress and live in the moment?

There is a trend in business towards what is called Mindful Leadership, which isn’t about what we necessarily focus our attention on, but how we focus it. It is about paying active attention to our own thoughts and feelings and being present in the moment. Practising mindful leadership cannot only reduce stress but increase your creativity and well being, while also optimizing your emotional intelligence.

How?

The key to mindful leadership is meditation. But that doesn’t mean you have to spark the incense and contort your body into the lotus position, or anything like that. It can be as simple and easy as taking a 5-minute breather in your office. But it does take some practice.

The first step (and often the hardest) is that you have to clear your mind.

On paper, it might sound easy, but it can be surprisingly difficult to keep all those little nagging thoughts from bubbling up. Closing the eyes helps because it eliminates any visual distractions, and can help you focus better. You need to relax, preferably in a quiet room, although with practice you may be able to filter noises out through concentration.

The second step is breathing.

It is important to breathe deeply and fully, ideally, each breath in and out should take about 5 seconds each. Try to breathe through your diaphragm, not the lungs, as we usually do. You know you’re doing it right when you see your stomach move in and out with each breath, instead of your shoulders rising and falling.

With practice, it will become more natural to you, and you will be able to maintain the meditation for longer and longer periods of time. And upon your return to the waking world, you will feel much more alert and refreshed. If you look at your brain like it’s a computer, a quick meditative period can be likened to a quick reset, giving your mind a much-needed break.

The benefits of meditation can be quite amazing. Along with an improvement in your overall wellbeing, you will develop a greater clarity of mind that will help you deal with stress more effectively. It will also allow you to be able to focus your attention on the here and now, which will not only increase your self-awareness but strengthen your connection with others as you become a more capable and inspiring leader.

Interested in learning more about mindful leadership and emotional wellbeing? Check out our blog post, Improving Your Wellbeing with Self Management and Emotional Intelligence for tricks on how EQ competencies tie into wellbeing and self care. You can also connect with us and tell us what’s on your mind.

Strengthen Your Culture with EQ

by Carolyn Stern | Feb 1, 2017 | Corporate Culture, Emotional Intelligence

Corporate Culture and Emotional Intelligence are two crucial elements of a successful business.

Emotional Intelligence is having the ability to understand your emotions as well as others, and without it, it is impossible for a business to be successful.

Corporate culture is the shared values, attitudes, beliefs and standards of all staff members. It is the corporate culture that creates the structure of every activity that is performed. But if emotional intelligence is not present in the company, is the corporate culture benefiting everyone?

Stop and ask yourself: Does your business have an emotionally intelligent corporate culture?

If the answer is YES, can it be improved upon?

Are the interpersonal relationships within your organization strong?
Do employees have a sense of independence?
Is everyone within the company not only aware of their own emotions but the emotions of those around them?
Does the upper management team display stress management?
Is there an “open-door” policy between employees and their superiors?

These are a few questions to ask to determine if emotional intelligence is present and strong within your company’s corporate culture.

If the answer is NO, it may be time to revamp your corporate culture.

Benefits of having an Emotionally intelligent Corporate Culture

Increased productivity
Staff stability
Employee Satisfaction
Increased organizational communication
Employee moral

How to Revamp Your Corporate Culture to Include Emotional Intelligence:

Corporate culture is implemented through the leaders of an organization – which means that it is important for them to be emotionally intelligent.

Leaders, whether it is the CEO or upper-level management, should stop and observe.

Look at yourself.

What are your personal needs as a leader?
Are they aligned with the company’s needs?
Does the rest of your team know them?

Look around.

Who makes up your team?
What are the team’s needs?
What are the team member’s individual needs?
Are they expressed to the rest of the team/organization?

Implement

Once the leaders are more aware of their employees, it is time to introduce emotional intelligence to the rest of the corporation.

Promoting emotional intelligence can be done through a variety of different tactics. It could be as small as having one-on-one check-ins with employees throughout the week; to make sure everything, and everyone, is doing well.

Or a larger, but beneficial, tactic would be to invest in Emotional Intelligence retreats. Retreats promote positive interactions amongst all employees. Whether they are done on or off-site, having two or three dedicated days to build an emotionally intelligent culture will be beneficial in the long run.

Maintain and Evaluate

Once you have picked an EI tactic(s), don’t stop! The easy part is picking a tactic and doing it once, but it tends to become obsolete when it’s not performed often. People are more likely to be motivated at the start and slow down after a while. Keep the team motivated and repeat the tactic on a regular basis!

If employees seem to get tired of the tactics you picked, that’s great that you are becoming aware of their emotions! This means it’s time to introduce new ones.

Now, it’s your turn, and I would love to hear from you.

What tactics are you going to employ to have an emotionally intelligent corporate culture?

Let us know by sending us a message on our social media – we are on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn! For more on cultivating an emotionally intelligent corporate culture, check out our Retreats or our Corporate Culture Workshop, available in live or virtual delivery!

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